Manufactured and processed food is the healthy alternative these days. It’s also more economically viable, and the only way to feed a global population that is still growing, after hitting seven billion in 2011.

Organic farming methods were all the rage a decade ago, but all that bacteria and ‘good’ dirt helped create a worldwide super-bug that couldn’t be countered with antibiotics. Soon the entire food chain was contaminated, and farm animal populations had to be culled in vast quantities, making the Bird Flu culling of the mid-2000s seem tame by comparison.

Now the vast majority of food eaten by urban populations, about 4.5 billion people, is produced synthetically, just like plastic. Meat substitutes were the first, but were soon followed by fake bread, fake soya and fake milk. Betta Broccoli is actually synthetic, and fake fruit is enjoyed as much as the real thing used to be.

“We’ve known how to make protein from coal for decades,” grins Shell Food president Howard Johnson. “But when Craig Venter got his algae to produce artificial potato we were really in business.”

Traditional farming methods were augmented by hydroponics, and could have held their own against the synthetics, if the super-bug contamination had been avoided. Once meat and vegetables were widely contaminated by deadly bacteria, consumers wouldn’t touch anything without a major producer’s safety seal. As one diner puts it: “At least with McDonald’s you’re not going to die!”

Farmers Markets withered and died, and Big Food became the only way to safely feed the people. What’s next, synthetic water? Who would know, it’s all bottled anyway.